Rounding the finish line

Well, something big happened today. I'm now officially at 103.9% of my support goal through no fault of my own. As soon as the office verifies my numbers I should be able to high tail it to the University of Montevallo's campus. I'm really excited in a mellow sort of way. I guess when something has been this hard and this long it's kinda hard to believe that it's really true. I'm relieved but I think I'll be more relieved when I get the official go-ahead from my boss and our office guy. My main fear right now is that they will be like, "Well Renee since you're so close to 105% why don't you just stay home till you get that extra $27.08 pledged." But no matter what happens I'm certainly learning to trust the Lord. It's crazy at church yesterday the speaker talked about how incredibly large the know universe is and how in comparison how small the world is, much less us personally. And if the universe is just one of the things that God has created then He must be inexpressibly big, and big isn't even a good word for it. We're less than dust when compared with just the mere size of God, probably even less than the size of cells. "And these are but the outer fringes of His works; how faint the whisper we hear of Him! Who then can understand the thunder of His power?" Job 26:14. So many times I've tried to figure out why God didn't allow me to raise support more quickly but so much has happened that I wouldn't have expected this year. I've learned so much and it's been so good for me to be where I am, but I'm glad that my time here is coming to a close. There's nothing more humbling than for an independent, free- spirited person who's bent on changing the world to graduate from college and spend an entire year living at home with their parents, begging people to invest financially in the mission that they're passionate about. Maybe I shouldn't say it was humbling it was more than that it was sobering. It's been hard, but it's been a privilege and I feel like God has tempered me in so many ways. More than anything I guess I've learned that life is not easy and I'm going to have to fight to hang onto my sanity and my relationship with Jesus. Sometimes things seem so bad that I get lost in despair and part of me forgets that there really is a loving God who cares so much about us, eventhough we're smaller than dust to Him, that He sent His Son into this sin stained world. A world that refuses to believe in its own smallness, a world too wrapped up in paper money and Mercedes to see that in the big scheme of things fame and fortune are insignificant. Isn't it funny that in cities where the biggest edifices of human acheivement are in place, it's hardest to see the night stars that tell of the vastness of God's creation. He sent Jesus into all of this and Jesus blew alot of people away (either they loved Him or hated Him) because He said that the things we value and idolize so much here on earth don't matter too much. He said crazy things like "People that are really blessed are poor in spirit, people that mourn, the meek, people that hunger and thirst for righteousness, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers, and people who are persecuted because of righteousness." (Matthew 5:1-10 paraphrased). His life was a model for us in how we ought to live. He lived righteously despite persecution and then died a violent death in order that the very people who persecuted Him might come into intimate communion with the Father He loved above all. That's beautiful. Lord let my life be one of death so that people might know You. Let us fall upwards into the night sky and realize how tiny we are.