It's a Wonderful Life

It's Christmas Eve and I'm hanging out in the living room with my mom watching "It's a Wonderful Life." Half-way through the movie I knew I had to grab the ole' laptop because anyone who knows anything about me knows I've got to write if I'm going to process anything. I've seen this movie a hundred times but it just hit me tonight. George Bailey is this young ambitious guy who wants to travel the world, go to school, and design buildings. Everytime he tries to get out of Bedford Falls, his hometown, he gets roped backed in. When he tries to travel to Europe and go to college, his father dies and he decides to keep The Building and Loan alive rather than let Potter rip off the town. Then his brother Harry graduates and he thinks that Harry will fulfill a promise and take over the family business. But Harry gets married and George decides to free him from his promise. Needless to say George never leaves Bedford Falls to pursue his dreams, and one night when everything seems to be going terribly George decides he wants to commit suicide. An angel saves him by showing him how many lives he's impacted by staying in Bedford Falls and warring against the local money launderer Mr.Potter.
I know that was kinda long and drawn out but it got me thinking. There are so many things I want out of life. I want to travel the world, I want a creative and meaningful job, a family, and just adventure in general. But even if I live the rest of my life out in Alabama and I never really create anything beautiful if can just have an impact on a few people's lives it'll be worth it. Sometimes I just get in this mindset where the grass is always greener. If I could just go to grad school, or move to a big city, or get a boyfriend then life would be perfect. But it just ain't so. It's just another chance for me to submit to God's authority and control in my life. Let not your longings slay your appetite for living!

Rest and Realization

Aaah yes, you've guessed it. I'm at home in Marietta and I've actually had time to marinate and do some good reading and heart searching. This semester (my first one doing this job that I do) has been hard. I've learned so much about myself and the nature of humanity. I don't know all that much about God, and I thought I did before this semester. I can't show up and make things happen, and I thought I could before this semester. I'm frail, fragile, and broken, and I don't really think I thought I was before this semester. There's been a void and I think the void has been the tangible experience of the grace of God. I've been so busy worrying about what to have girls study, and figuring out how to share the gospel in such a way that will make someone want to accept Christ that I've forgotten about experiencing Christ myself. As a result there's been this unquenchable hunger and thirst for love that's made me cry at movies, sigh at happy couples, and look at the Bible skeptically because it doesn't have arms to hold me with. I've been so hurried, anxious, and cynical that I've overlooked Christ. But I can behold Him in the faces of my dear friends, feel Him in the wind that envelopes me, and smell him in that chai tea that tempts me. When did I stop looking at the world with awe and wonder?

“My personal experience of the relentless tenderness of God came not from exegetes, theologians, and spiritual writers, but from sitting still in the presence of the living Word and beseeching Him to help me understand with my head and heart His written Word. Sheer scholarship alone cannot reveal to us the gospel of grace. We must never allow the authority of books, institutions, or leaders to replace the authority of knowing Jesus Christ personally and directly. When the religious views of others interpose between us and the primary experience of Jesus as the Christ, we become unconvicted and unpersuasive travel agents handing out brochures to places we have never visited.” – Brennan Manning (The Ragamuffin Gospel)

Fork in the Road?

There's this Jim Elliot quote that says something like: I want to be a fork in the road where people are forced to make a decision either for Christ or against Him. I know I botched it up but you get the general idea. Well, I really want to be that kind of a person but I'm just not. I get opportunitites to share the gospel with students just about everyday and I share the gospel alot but I don't know how to bring anyone to a point of decision. I've never led anyone to Christ. I can tell girls what I believe but just about every girl I talk to tells me she's a Christian eventhough so many times I suspect that they're not. I shared my concerns with my boss in my weekly report and he sent me this little quote, "What do you do with a doctor who says the right things when you are with them but never prescribes any medicine?" Crap. Lord help me to do your gospel justice by doing what I can to point out people's need for You. This is where it gets offensive Lord so give me boldness not only to share truth but to help people figure out where they are in the process of salvation. Cause me to believe in your love for me through Christ despite my continued failures and shortcomings.