Layers

I ought to be asleep right now because I gotta get up early but I'd rather write. Its been a good day. I went to the Caf and collected Christmas Conference money, met with two girls, then I took one of the girls I meet with out for a very belated birthday dinner, and afterwards went and hung out with a few DG'S for a little while. Its crazy, the more I get involved in people's lives the more I learn. It seems like the people who seem the strongest, and the toughest are the most soft- hearted and sensitive. They put on that hard exterior because they don't want to get hurt. Today I was hanging out with one of the girls and she's just telling me about what's going on in her life and she keeps just losing it and crying, and I couldn't help but cry with her. To just about everyone on campus she's a girl who's witty and sarcastic. They think she's able to hold her own and that she won't take crap from anyone but it was so sweet for me to see her heart today. I think most people are like her, at least I am. We erect all sorts of walls whether it's witt and sarcasm, or silence, always having to look a certain way, or say things that are interesting and intelligent, making people laugh, or being really helpful. We're afraid that who we really are isn't enough, like once people peel back the layers of false identity all they'll find is a plain white piece of paper. It's funny though, when I see the honest, vulnerable, non-performance, non-selfconcious side of these ladies, it makes me love them more.

Jesus

There's a name that secretly repulses alot of people. Sometimes its hard for me to say it without feeling cheesy like a youth pastor or a blue haired tele-evangelist. But Jesus is life. I've been thinking alot about the purpose of life alot lately. If Christ is life then it makes sense that the whole world was created by Him, through Him, and for Him. Its crazy to think that if the world was created to glorify (honor, bring high praise to) God through Jesus Christ, the Fall was not an accident. Jesus is glorified through the grace (free gift) He pours out on those who believe. If there was nothing to save we could never understand the full beauty if who God is.

And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.
(Joh 17:3)

So here's the pull. If real life, eternal life is found in knowing God through Jesus Christ, why is it so easy to be blinded by the world and my own desires. The last thing I want to do sometimes is get alone and talk to God. I get so concerned about missing out on real living while I'm out in Montevallo but I can have Christ just as much here as anywhere else. In coming to earth Christ came and showed us a perfect life. He showed us how God intended man to live- in constant communion with the Father, sacrificing it all for other people.

I've been trying really hard to do all of this. But I think the whole point of Christ's life was to show us that we can't. It's so funny when you hear people talk about their shortcomings alot of times you'll hear someone say- "Well, I'm not Jesus"- and its true. I feel like I'm killing myself physically, spiritually, and emotionally trying to be Jesus. God doesn't ask me to be Jesus, He asks me to love Him with everything I've got. It's so much easier to love myself, or the thought of marriage, or cute clothes, or good music and just hold God at an arm's distance while I try to be good for Him on the outside. He wants me to let Him inside the most intimate places of my heart and He wants to have first place there. He doesn't want a maid, He wants a wife.

Jesus answered, "The most important is, 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'
(Mar 12:29-30)

My focus should be on loving my God.
"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit."
(2Co 3:18)

I don't have to force myself kicking and screaming to be the perfect Christian. I need to fix my eyes on Jesus. As I look on Him with eyes of love, I become like Him. If you spend enough time with anyone you love you pick up their mannerisms, you know what they like, you start seeing the world through their eyes. The thought that's made me want to love and know Christ more lately is that everything I love about a beautiful landscape, a cool piece of art, a really interesting guy, a good run- everything that's good on this earth is just a shadow or a really faint reflection of the beauty, satisfaction and love of Christ. He is good.

How relevant is too relevant?

This weekend has been fun and way too short. Last night I stayed out till 3am salsa dancing with Hooper and TJ. I love those girls. Can dancing with attractive Latino men really be classified as work?- yes, yes indeed. Well tonight after a long nap I went to Bwood for Sunday night service and then afterwards I went to the Singles Thanksgiving dinner. Holy social awkwardness! I went by myself and usually it doesn't bother me to go places by myself but tonight was just weird. Girls are really hard to get to know, especially in that kind of environment where everyone comes with their friends and they're comfortable with the friends they already have. So something crazy happened tonight, I talked to boys for half the night. And just when I was getting bored with surfacy chit chat this guy started talking to me about the insider movement in missions it was pretty dang interesting. When I first heard about the movement I was pretty skeptical and I must admit that I'm still not completely sure if I agree with it but I'm definitely interested in learning more. Here's the gist of it: Many missionaries are noticing that its not really Jesus that people are against its Western culture. They associate the term Christianity with everything from George Bush to the Crusades. So missionaries are taking out the middle man in a sense they are meeting Islamic people where they are. The Koran contains somewhere close to 70% of the Bible. So they are teaching them about Jesus through the Koran. But here's the thing I'm debating- when a Muslim becomes a follower of Jesus they don't stop going to the mosque, they don't get baptised or practice the sacraments, they stay in their culture as worshippers of Jesus and they share their beliefs with the people in their communities. They guy I was talking to was telling me about an entire mosque that had become worshippers of Jesus but still prayed 5 times a day toward Mecca and followed alot of cultural practices that weren't forbidden in the Bible. Ok, what I'm afraid about is syncretism. Symcretism is the attempt to meld together opposing beliefs. The Isrealites did it alot in the Old Testament and they were disciplined severely for it. Jesus + works in the East or Jesus + Money in the West - neither of those equal eternal life. I think the insider movement would make it easy for followers of Christ to just add Him on as a bonus to their faith. Where is there room to say that Hinduism, Mormonism, Islam, etc. are false and that their followers are unknowingly following Satan. I think it'd also be easy to use the insider movement as a safe and easy way to dodge persecution. What does God mean when He says come out from them and be seperate. All that to say I want to learn and think more about it. If you have any thoughts please let me know.

Well, it's Saturday and I'm laying in bed eating an apple and some hummus I made from an instant pack. It comes in a dry powdery form and you are supposed to mix it with warm water and olive oil, which I did but it still tastes powdery. I added cayenne pepper and sour cream to see if I could mask the powder but it didn't help. I gotta learn how to make that stuff from scratch. I spent the night last night with a good friend. Our relationship has been pretty rocky the last couple of months and yesterday we just got all our crap out on the table. It was so good. here is so much freedom in confessing the crap you've been thinking and feeling toward one another. I'm learning so much about what it means to love people and be committed to them. In relationships of every kind, dissapointment is inevitable. I can either push people away when they don't live up to my expectations and live a lonely, solitary life. Or I can be honest with myself about my own failures and see that demanding perfection from anyone is insane. All that to say Friday night was so good- I can see why Satan doen't want us to be friends.

Moni Hill

This weekend we had to go on a roadtrip so we could make a video for Christmas conference. We went to Asheville, NC. Asheville is this great artsy little town nestled in the Blue Ridge mountains. They had a little outdoor market Saturday morning where I met a woman named Moni. She is a full-time stay at home mom who paints when her children are napping or down for the night. She was selling her paintings. She's got a simple one dimensional style that she pairs with bright happy colors, very much a folk artist. It was inspiring. I bought one of her small $15 pieces (I really shouldn't have since I really didn't have the money). I just couldn't talk to her and be inspired by her and not support her.