Crazy Running Fool

I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Panama City Beach drinking a vanilla latte that I bought because you can't just use wireless without buying something. The funny thing is that I don't like coffee but I'm rolling it around in my mouth right now and contemplating attempting to acquire a taste for it. My friend and fellow staff girl Stephanie Kanute convinced me to run the Chicago marathon with her in October so I signed up and paid my $90. Before I actually registered I called her and let her know that I was doing it so she could make sure and do it that day too. Well, ironically she didn't get around to it that day and when she did get around to it the marathon was closed because the maximum had been reached. So, I'm registered for a marathon in Chicago that I never would've thought about running in, in the first place. Why? Why would the Lord want me to run the Chicago marathon ALONE? I don't really know but I'm excited to find out. My best friend from highschool and her husband live there and so does my good friend Jaime from college, so hopefully I can visit them while I'm there. Kanute and I have been running at least 3 times a week down here. This morning we ran between 4 and 4.5 miles in 51 minutes. I've got a long way to go, pray that I stick with this- who wants to waste $90?

Grace upon Grace

I'm in the middle of my second week down here at SBP. It's been so good for me. I'm learning so much, mostly about extending grace to people. I've been frustrated more than once with different people down here and how they spend their time, or their ministry philosophy, or the way that they view God. I stayed up late one night last week journaling violently about a particular situation, and the next day God really convicted my heart about my lack of love. My sin and frustration is just as disgusting as their sin. The thing that makes me the most hurt and upset is feeling like someone is judging me but it seems like it's the first thing I run to when people's actions or ideas don't line up with mine. God is slowly breaking me, there are so many people down here that don't believe that God loves them (myself included). They are trying so hard to prove themselves to Him and to everyone else. It seems like everyone I talk to is dealing with self-hatred and guilt. What they need from me is not a condemning speech about how they really need to believe in the grace of God. They need to see me love them unconditionally whether they fail or succeed, whether they think they way I do or not, whether they look down on me, ignore me, or think that I'm great. Lord help me to accept people in process. I need Your love. I need Your love. I need Your love. This is not about me. I need Your love. Love wash over a multitude of things.