Labor of Love

I'm more tired tonight then I've been in a long time. I think I've just being going going going and its finally catching up with me. So I'm in my pj's laying on the blue couch, in my quiet apartment, listening to the newest Sandra McCracken cd- Gravity Love, which is pretty good; and writing. There's been quite alot going on in my life and my heart lately. This semester has been maybe the best one I've ever had on campus which is just so ironic. I'm more confused than I've ever been in my whole life and I think that the Lord is humbling me in that way. Last night I had a bunch of girls over at my house and we got into a really good discussion about true Christianity. This verse took on a whole new meaning for me.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
(2Co 12:9)

Alot of the girls have been coming to me lately and confessing that they're struggling with lust and sexual immorality, so a group of us took a day to fast and pray, then we had a time of confession and discussion before we broke the fast. It was amazing. We see eachother everyday and we seem to have it all together but the dark struggles that we admitted to proved that we are nowhere close to having this whole loving God thing down. There was so much freedom in the air. The world and the church (mostly the men in these places) tell women that they don't struggle with things like lust and all the actions that flow from it, and we don't correct them. So most women are alone in their sin feeling like freaks, and unable to ask for help. It all boils down to saving face. That's what the world is all about, appearance & reputation. When the church is a hospital for the sick and not a social club for cleanly washed and pressed, it is then that the gospel will truly have an impact. What makes God look great? I think it's the fact that He loves and died for a bunch of girls who struggle with addictions to sexual fantasies, masturbation, sleeping with their boyfriends, and obsessing over getting a boyfriend and getting married.

One mark of true Christianity, the freedom to be honest about who you really are and being free from having to save face. We are all addicts, like alcoholics or druggies, the Lord is weaning us from the things we look to for love, intimacy and comfort and it feels like He's killing us but in reality He's saving us from certain destruction. We almost look down at people in rehab clinics and think that they've really got problems but I think that until we see ourselves in their faces there will be no freedom and no real love for Jesus and what He has done for us. What do you need Him for if you're really not THAT bad, or at least you're not as bad as THAT person. Quit trying to justify it and look it in the face, call it what it is whether its an addiction to sexual immorality, gluttony, pride, apathy, approval, comparison, escapism, dark thoughts of unbelief...you pick your poison. Whatever it is its your standard coping mechanism in this fallen world and Jesus is standing there like a greived husband begging you to give up your lover and come home to Him. One of the girls brought up this verse last night:

Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops.
(Luk 12:2-3)

She said that it scared her but how beautiful will be the day when we can shout aloud the darkness of our sin to show the greatness of our Savior. What kind of love is this?

“He who is alone with his sin is utterly alone. It may be that Christians, notwithstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their…service, may still be left to their loneliness. The final break through to fellowship does not occur, because though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among them. So we remain alone with our sin, living lies and hypocrisy. The fact is we are sinners. But it is the grace of the Gospel, which is so hard for the pious to understand, that it confronts us with the truth and says: You are a sinner, a great desperate sinner; now come as the sinner that you are, to God who loves you…He does not want anything from you, a sacrifice, a work; He wants you alone. God has come to save the sinner.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together