I'm not content, I'm distracted

Tired. Suprise suprise, its the middle of the semester. Tonight I'm supposed to be going to a Halloween party. I'm glad because I'll be hanging out with people but at the same time I'd love to just spend the night watching movies and just talking at my house. Last week I felt great, then Traci came and spent the night with me. She talked to me about my schedule and my life and I just broke down. Its easy to feel great when you won't allow yourself time to really get still. I need help. I really wish I had someone to tell me what to do and when to do it all the time. I just don't trust myself. The crazy thing is that the Lord wants to be the One to tell me all this stuff and I feel like I don't even know how to listen to Him. Love, loving people is my job but I feel like I'm starved for it myself. I am my own worst enemy, I keep erecting walls of performance between God and myself. Its like I come to Him with my hands full of all my works and He's trying to embrace me but He can't because of all the stuff in my hands. I'm scared that if I let it drop I'll become lazy.