Rambling thoughts of a nomad

I'm writing from my fun blue couch in Montevallo, AL. I got back in town tonight around 5pm, bought a Lean Cuisine from the grocery store and rented two movies. Unfortunately the sound on our dvd player isn't working so it looks like I'll be reading, blogging and eating hot cornbread muffins tonight, and I'm not complaining- I'm all alone in the Shanahan House and I'm lovin' it. Being at Beach Project really was so good for my heart. There's something mysterious and powerful about the Body of Christ. Being around so many other believers exposes so much of my sin but at the same time I think I felt more loved by God and other people during the short month of June than I have all year. I need people in my life alot more than I'd like to admit.

I love my job! Isn't that weird, I feel like I've had so much inner conflict this year and so many doubts about whether or not God really wants me to work for Campus Outreach, and whether I have what it takes and what my bosses are looking for. I will freely admit that part of the reason I came on staff in the first place was because I was afraid. Afraid that if I didn't, I would lose my focus on Christ and become another materialistic suburbanite (much to my dissapointment being on staff doesn't keep me from buying crap I don't need). But the other part of me took the job because I really do want to love people and see them come to see Jesus as their sweet Savior and intimate friend (I feel really cheesy typing that).

This summer I feel like I've been smacked in the face with the reality that most of the girls I know are walking around broken, living in the cage of performance, and dying to be loved. . All of their families, even the ones that look happy are screwed up and dysfunctional. Jesus, why is it so hard for us to accept your unconditional love? I feel like we put the cart before the horse (or however that analogy is supposed to go). I'd love it if we had one whole summer devoted to seeing the beauty of Christ. I feel like we're so afraid that the students won't labor or be productive Christians so we force them to get a bunch of evangelistic experiences, which isn't necessarily bad. All I'm saying is that the reason most people don't evangelize is not because they've never seen it modeled for them, it's because Christ isn't that beautiful to them. I wonder what would happen if the only focus of next year's SBP was Christ and the beauty of the gospel, and we didn't teach so many methods of evangelism. I wonder if evangelism would explode. Being a Christian is more than knowing that Christ died for your sin and that you can go to heaven if you trust Him and repent, its got to move your heart. I think we've seen so many people "fall away from the faith" lately because they missed the whole point. Jesus didn't save us to just be His soldiers- bringing the truth to people through evangelism and a strict regime of bible study and memorization. He saved us to restore intimate communion between us and God. If there is no intimate communion with God in your life you are missing the point. He desires a people that are wholeheartedly in love with Him, not just His mission. No man wants to marry a woman who will clean the house, cook wonderful meals, and even have sex with him without looking into his eyes and enjoying him, and God doesn't want people who are so busy doing His work that they don't have time to slow down and melt at his touch. A husband demands the full love and attention of his wife and God demands that His Bride be captivated with the beauty of who He is. Only then will our service be acceptable. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
(2Co 3:18)
He melts the hardness of our hearts with the fire of His love.