Today was really...full. I met my friend Amy this afternoon for lunch and shopping. She filled me in about what's been going on with her this year. She just broke up with this amazing guy who genuinely loves the Lord. My question of course was, "What happened?". Her answer, "I wasn't enough for him physically." Her height bothered him and he told her that if she ever got fat they would no longer be dating. When she asked him what would happen if she gained weight during say... pregancy, he said, "Well, Faith Hill did it". Needless to say, I walked away from our time together a little discouraged. Most of the godly guys I know, I mean guys I really respect, want a girl who's a spiritual studress, and wears a size 2 with big boobs and no cellulite- hot and godly right!(I know I'm exaggerating a little- but only a little.) I was mad for about 10 minutes, then the Lord started to bring my own unrealistic expectations to mind. I mean I'm looking for a smart, witty, spiritual, attractive, intriguing, college educated, decisive, wise, athletic but not uber-athletic, ecclectic, creative, unique, freethinking, poor people loving, gospel centered man. He dosen't exist (dang it!), so I can't get mad at these guys for being honest about wanting some serious eye-candy.
Sometimes I get frustrated because I think no one thinks I'm attractive- but during these times I conveniently forget about all the 18 year old students from JSU, the men who work in fast-food establishments, grocery stores, on the backs of garbage trucks, and even the men who drive cars with loud horns who daily show me their appreciation. I've liked so many guys in the past that would never consider being with me because of one or more of my physical traits, but I really do the same thing everyday when I overlook people because I know they aren't college educated, or interesting enough, or cute. I don't believe in love at first sight, it's straight lust at first sight.
Anyways, after I hung out with Amy I drove straight up to Rome and had dinner with two couples who are some of my great friends from college. Just sitting there listening to them talk and interact with eachother I was thinking how it really is a miracle that anyone gets married. God really is committed to populating the earth, if He wasn't we'd all be holding out waiting for just the right one- the grass would always be greener somewhere else.
My longest college crush was this guy named Jarrod, he had a beard (I'm a sucker for facial hair). I thought we'd be perfect together but everytime I talked to him I got nervous, or asked him dumb questions, or just tried to be something I wasn't- deep or cool or something. So eventhough he knew me, he never really knew me. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to try to be what I think some guy wants whether that's physically, spiritually, or in terms of personality.
So here's my theory, I think that God puts a special love in your heart for the person you're supposed to be with, and they have that special love for you too. It's like they can really see you- see your unique beauty, your funny quirks, they can know what you're thinking by the look on your face, and they can see your sin and still want to love you (even if they don't in the moment), they are committed to your soul.
As women it seems like we're constantly trying to get different guys to see us like that through the way we dress, our exaggerated laughter, intense eye contact, even serving and loving people in front of that special guy. But no matter how hard we try they can't see us. I want to stop living like that- I don't want to have to convince my husband that he should love me. It's about soul-connection, and I'm convinced that soul-connection, the kind where you forget about the way a person is making you feel or look, and you're consumed with lavishing them with love and helping them even when it seems impossible, is a miracle. Sure it takes pain, and tears and work but it's possible- with that person who can see you. Maybe that's idealistic but I hope it's true. Trust me I'll be putting this theory to the test whenever I get the chance. Who knows I may just flag down the next Jesus loving sanitation worker who honks at me while I'm running.
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5 comments:
I really dig this. Your theory is realistic, I think I know what you mean.
Speaking as a guy, how a girl looks does matter, but that just gets my attention, and once there is a intrigue then over time you get to see the person for who they are. I think trust is the quality that I care most about, I ask myself.. is this someone I can trust. If there is trust then there is freedom to relate and be who you are.
Wow, Renee ... good theory. This is by far one of my favorite posts of all time.
I completely agree ... it makes me SO pissed that even the christian guys go about selecting a mate first based on physical appearance. But you're right ... we do the same thing, just not on such an obvious level.
Blue collar men of the world take heart ... you know what's up.
PS ... I'm digging facial hair more and more these days ... bring on the beards!
i cried when i read this. oh wait a minute i've been crying since last night. anyways, everything you said is what i'm struggling with right now. i have been withouth hope that anyone is ever going to find me attractive or want me. thanks for the words of hope.
sometimes just getting along with people is a miracle for me- so love is an even greater miracle.
it's such a complicated thing.
most of the people i know that are happily married just "fit" with their mate. they never had to change anything, strive for anything, make anything happen when they first met the person.
i really don't get why people get married sometimes. it seems more troublesome than being single.
so, i agree with you! God does have to put a special love in your heart for that person. because, otherwise, it seems marriage wouldn't be worth it- or it wouldn't be right.
I love you Ginny!
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