It's 10:30pm on a Friday night and guess what I'm doing? You guessed it! I'm lying here in bed wearing my warm fleece sweat pants contentedly typing on my laptop. I don't think there's anywhere else I'd rather be. All the roomates are out and about tonight so the house is pretty quiet and I'm loving it. When you work hard all week sometimes it's just nice to be able to bum around the house and be completely silent. In my line of work I have to do alot of talking and listening so it's nice sometimes to not have to do either. Today one of my friends told me that I needed to find a husband. I'm pretty sure that he was joking around as far as the wording of his suggestion goes but it kind of got me thinking. Being a girl is a funny thing. Our role in the whole relationship thing is to be a responder. The boy is interested, he shows interest and begins to pursue us, then and only then is it okay for us to let the cat out of the bag about how we feel. It can be a frustrating place to be, especially for me. I think that I must be the world's worst responder. I went on a blind date a while back with this incredible guy who was simple and witty, he'd just graduated from seminary and wanted to do ministry in China. The date went really well and I could tell that he was at least mildly interested by the way that he looked at me. But at the end of the date before he could do anything I just kind of shook his hand, accidentally denied him a hug and got into the car without really letting him initiate the ending of the date. I'm crazy. About 5 minutes later I realized what I did and there was no way to erase it. I didn't have his phone number and I hadn't even given him the opportunity to ask for mine and I had no way to go back and tell him that I really liked him despite my irrational behavior. Oh well, I've got to believe that God knows what He's doing. I'm convinced it will be a miracle if I get married. I'm not saying that in a negative way. It's just that I'm pretty guarded and cautious, I live in Smallville, Alabama and I'm a crazy black girl that hangs out with alot of white suburbanites. The cards just aren't stacked in my favor but I'm praying for a Boaz. Lord help me to believe that You've got me right where you want me right now and that the most satisfying love I can experience is the love of Christ. Be still my soul.
"Most of the noise in our souls is generated by our attempts to control the uncontrollable. We grasp after the wind. We rage, fear, and finally despair. . . . Be still, my soul. All that is hard now will be forgotten amid love's purest joys. This slight, momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Cor. 4:17). Psalm 131 lives with eyes open." (excerpted from chapter four)- David Prowlison (Seeing with New Eyes)
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2 comments:
but what about the sound of little loulabell's paws tap tap tapping on the hardwoods? i'm glad you got some quiet time in sweatpants. a friend once told me that those aren't real pants-aren't you glad you didn't leave the house in those?
Renee ... never fear. I think that all girls are bad responders. I might just be the chief of all bad responders. I'm jealous of your sweatpants time. I need some of that.
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