Fighting that midsemester apathy

Well, tonight I'm sitting on the comfy green couch in my living room and having a rather good time laughing and joking around with my roomies.Our dog Lou is even on her best behavior tonight, she's fast asleep in doggie dreamland. Ginny and Alisa just helped me cut about 40 recipes out of old issues of Cooking Light. I'm determined to become more domestic, heck by the end of the year I'll be a regular gourmet. I love food I never really lose my taste for it. I just wish the same could be said for my relationship with God. I get so frustrated sometimes with myself because it seems like I can't feel Him anymore. I remind myself of truth over and over again but sometimes it just seems stale. Here's the truth people, I screw up about a million times a day. I mean it's my job to share the gospel with students and help them grow into maturity. That all sounds so noble but the truth is I don't know what I'm doing and I'm not all that mature myself. There are so many questions I don't know the answers to, so many problems that I don't know how to solve, and so many girls I haven't figured out how to connect with. Every night I come home with the sneaking suspicion that I haven't done enough and it creeps down into me so deep that I start believing that Jesus is dissapointed with me and I doubt that God can really use me here. I start thinking that God is a pissed off boss that's ready to fire me for misrepresentation. But on the other hand I've never needed Jesus more. Everytime I share the gospel and I'm one of the ones who leaves confused, everytime I'm overwhelmed with helplessness when I hear about the depression and desperation someone is experiencing and I feel shallow when I offer up my Jesus loves you, everytime I see girls who I think will never like me- it drives me into His arms.