I almost started crying in drawing class today. My teacher makes us do these quick gesture drawings of our nude model, then turn them around for our whole class to see. You guessed it....Humiliation. My first drawing absolutely sucked, the proportions were all wrong and while I was drawing she came over and started drawing all over it, which is never a good sign. After I turned it around she gave me a mini lecture in front of the class about how fear of failure completely interferes with the drawing process. Prof. Graffeo is such a wise woman. I'm seeing how this principle keeps playing itself out in every area of my life.
I recently started dating this amazing guy and even with him I find myself living in the fear that I'm going to somehow screw it up. Its in my ministry too... Joey saw me in the Caf yesterday and got onto me about not hanging out with her on Friday night like I said that I might. She told me that she feels like she can't count on me anymore, and she's right. Last week we had to turn in our sketch books in my drawing class and there weren't nearly enough drawings in my book. I'm discipling 10 girls and I feel like I'm not giving them enough individual time and attention. I just can't seem to get my life working the way I want it, I feel like a really uncoordinated juggler.
But the truth is...its not my life and I can't make it "work right" no matter how hard I try. I've always felt pretty capable and talented but I think the Lord is teaching me to just trust like a little girl in a storm, clinging to her Daddy's neck.
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9 comments:
renee,
i know this will just sound like flattery, and you know your own heart and your own weaknesses and desires, but you are an amazing person to me and i admire the effort and time and love you put into people around you. I know you don't think it's enough and maybe it isn't, but your efforts surpass mine by far.
~amy p.
last few days our class held a similar discussion on this subject and you show something we have not covered yet, thanks.
- Laura
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