Swimming in It

...the sea of uncertainty that is. There's so much going on in my heart and my mind right now. I'm thinking about leaving my job and going to art school. I think I want to be an art professor. Should I stay or should I go? You'd think that'd be an easy decision to make but its so much deeper. Ya see... I signed this contract that said I'd stay on staff until August 2009 unless I got married or I felt the direct leading of the Lord elsewhere. I don't want to go unless it really is God leading me to and not my own selfish desires because I'm the only staff girl here. My time on staff has been hard, killer hard but at the same time its been sweet because Jesus is all I've had to cling to.
I was reading Genesis 15 this weekend, its about God's covenant with Abram. Abram is this old childless man who God promised to give land and offspring as numberous as the stars to. He believes what God says and its credited to him as righteousness. I imagine Abram the nomad, longing for a country he could call home and a son and heir and then I think of myself. I feel like all I have right now are my longings I long to pursue art, I long to be married, I long for closeness with friends. I know these longings aren't wrong but I have received no promise concerning any of these things. S o I asked God to give me a promise to claim and this is what He gave me:

But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. My foot has held fast to his steps; I have kept his way and have not turned aside. I have not departed from the commandment of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food. But he is unchangeable, and who can turn him back? What he desires, that he does. For he will complete what he appoints for me, and many such things are in his mind. Therefore I am terrified at his presence; when I consider, I am in dread of him.
(Job 23:10-15)

He will complete what He appoints for me and many such things are in his mind! The fight is to believe that God loves me and is doing what's best for me even in this. I'm really learning what it means to wait on the Lord in full dependence.