On Hearing the Voice of God

Its been a long time but tonight I'm so in the mood to write that my thoughts are flying faster than my fingers and all this, this expression might not make any sense at all. So much has been going on in my heart and mind the past couple of months and I just want to say it all.

I've been reading this book about a woman's role in the family and society and its really challenged me. I mean its got me asking whether or not women should be in full-time ministry. But I think the biggest thing its showed me is that I am really easily swayed by the opinions and interpretations of man.

Two of my friends have been trying to talk me into going to Egypt for 10 days in the month of May. On Tuesday I said I was 90% yes, but I've been praying about it and there is just no desire in my heart to go. I do want Muslim people to know Christ but I'm not convinced that this is the right time for me to. I heard about the trip a long time ago and never had the desire to go. I just started wanting to go because other people wanted me there. That's not God moving in my heart, and leading me to go.

It is not an easy thing to hear the voice of God. I believe that He can speak to us through other people and through His Word but honestly I'm not sure I know how to pray and wait to hear an answer from the Lord. I usually just get impatient and make a decision. I feel like I use books and other people to form black and white laws for myself so I can avoid having to wait on the Lord. My prayer is usually, Lord this is my decision, if you don't want me to do it You better stop me. But what if my heart said, Lord I'm not moving from here until you tell me to move. I will do nothing unless I know its what You have for me today.

Ok, maybe I'm being a little extreme. I mean I'm going to get up and go to work because I know its what the Lord wants me to do but what about the stuff in the grey, the stuff that could be good but may not be best. Egypt could be great because I'd learn about a new culture, get to love and share with people, and form friendships with people my age. It might not be best because of the money, and the timing. I have to move and a couple of days after we get back I've got to be in a wedding.

It just hard for me to say no when people really want me to go. I prayed specifically for something (that will remain nameless) to happen if the Lord wanted me to go and it didn't happen. I don't think my desire to go is really strong enough... I dunno I feel like I can easily fill my life up with good things but I want to do the best things.