This is the last time... until next time

Alright, so I'm in the shower this morning listening to Marc Broussard- Rocksteady, you know the song, and it hits me. I know why this transition has been so hard for me, I think deep down inside of me I really want life to be this 24 hour party and it's not. Before I got in the shower I was browsing My Space and comparing my life to all the lives of the people I graduated high school with (I know, I know I need to get off the internet and get a real life). But it really brought me face to face with what I really want out of life. I find myself envying all these people who look cooler than me, live in cool cities and have high paying jobs. In my mind I'm thinking it'd be so cool to live in New York have alot of hip friends who really understand me and hang out in coffee shops and bars. I'm so consumed with my own happiness. If I can't be happy here I'm not going to be happy anywhere. I don't understand why God has interrupted the plans I had for my life and I don't understand why He's making me surrender and submit even in this moment (prolly cause He loves me but I don't always believe it). It's so funny, yesterday I talked to like 8 different girls about trusting God and I'm the one who really needs to do it. I hate that I've become so cynical in some ways. Life was always such beautiful excitement to me even in college. I had so much hope for adventure and endless possibility. The last 2 years have been like crazy culture shock. But I need to trust that this is my adventure for now. The big question is: what was I made to do? I always write about discontentment and that sucks so I'm gonna try to stop but no promises. I've gotta get this monster conquered.

“Were the sky always without a cloud and the ocean without a ripple the believer would not know so well the God with Whom he has to do; for alas, we know how prone the heart is to mistake the peace of circumstances for the peace of God. When everything is going smoothly and pleasantly—property safe, our business prosperous, our children carrying on agreeably, our residence comfortable, our health excellent—everything in short, just to our mind (liking), how apt we are to mistake the peace which reposes upon circumstances for that peace which flows from the realized presence of Christ. The Lord knows this; and therefore He comes in , one way or another, and stirs up the nest, that is, if we are found nestling in circumstances, instead of in Himself.”
CH Mackintosh