Wedding Crashers

It's Saturday night and I'm supposed to be packing to go to SBP but I'd rather blog. Today was really stinkin' funny. This morning I went to a wedding with Matt, mistake #1 (j/k). I'm getting ready this morning and for some reason I start to feel weird (women really do have intuition). I'm thinking it might be really weird for me to be at this wedding, eventhough I'm supposed to be Matt's date (plutonic of course). I 'm sort of distant acquaintances with the couple (but definitely not close enough for them to invite me to their wedding)and they know me and Matt don't date so I'm thinking they might just think I randomly showed up. So when I get in the car I say, "Matt, you don't think people will think it's weird that I'm at this wedding?". To which he replies, "No way, you're my date." So I assume all is well. We get there and sit down on the back row and it's seriously like the smallest wedding I've ever been to. Matt leans over and whispers "There's like nobody here" so I reply, "I know I feel really weird since I wasn't directly invited". Then he says, "Well, they didn't send me an invitation but I saw them out one night and they told me I could come". AAAAAAAAAAh! Who invites a date to a wedding they really weren't invited to. I felt so awkward, I told him we weren't allowed to eat any food since we weren't real guests - but I changed my mind after I saw the food and I think we were one of the only people who went back for seconds. My old friend Boojie was there and it was so good to talk to him but he made so much fun of me for being at the wedding that I think most of the guests knew I was an impostor. There was this seperate room where the bride and groom were cutting the cake and it was really small so they were like the wedding party can go in and any guests that will fit. The two of us stayed at the table and ate seconds until we were the only ones left in the reception area and we felt obligated to go into the cake room and talk to people. Matt greeted the couple but I hung back on the wall because I seriously didn't know what I would say - "Hey I mean I know we've only talked like twice but I'm super glad you guys got married", or "I was really hungry and I thought it'd be fun to get dressed up and get a free lunch - thanks for putting this thing on". I'm never going to be able to look that couple in the eye again, good thing they won't be living in Birmingham. Living on the edge baby!

I'm scared

I leave for SBP on Sunday and I'm scared I don't have what it takes to be faithful, do a good job and love all those girls this summer. It's true, I don't have what it takes. But thank God that the salvation and sanctification of all the girls I'll come in contact with is not up to me, it's up to God. I get scared alot and it's mostly because I see a task I've gotta accomplish and I see the depth of my inadequacy and I have a mini meltdown. But God is able, He's able to use sinners like me. Lord help me to focus on Your strength and power and stop trusting in myself, cause both of us know that I'm weak.

On blogs...

I feel like there has been much controversy recently about the inherent goodness of blogging. I've been thinking about it a little so I thought I'd voice my opinion. The blog in itself has no inherent goodness or evil. I have heard it said that blogs are self-indulgent. Blogs are not self-indulgent, people are self-indulgent and admittedly, sometimes the things they write on blogs are self-indulgent. Sometimes the things I say out loud are self-indulgent, that doesn't mean I'm not going to talk. If that were the rule the world would be silent. It can be annoying to read people's self-indulgent blogs and honestly it can be annoying to read my own self-indulgent blogs. I'm like- why did I write that! But whether I write it in my journal or for all the world to see I'm still going to feel it and eventually write it. It's part of the process, we're not perfect. Why not share you uncensored thoughts and ideas with your friends and let them shoot you straight. I have also heard it said that blogs serve as a substitute for real relationships. I don't know if I agree with that because I don't personally know anyone who sits at home and reads blogs on Saturday nights in the place of going out with friends. But I do know lots of people who read the blogs of friends who live far away and are able to keep in touch with them better and more frequently without awkward small talk and phone chatter. So keep blogging, feel free to say what you think is deep and what you feel deeply even if you end up looking stupid or sounding stupid it will give the rest of us opportunities to extend grace to you.

Rotten eggs

"Pain is God's megaphone to rouse a deaf universe"- C.S. Lewis. I listened to this guy talk about evil and ethics today while I was driving home to GA and I thought this quote was so good that I wrote it down as I was driving. That probably wasn't the safest decision I've ever made but oh well. I think the thing that keeps hitting me like a wave is that the world is so bad. Everyone looks like they're happy and they've got it together but if you ask them about their families or what's really going on in their lives, most people are one step shy of falling apart. I mean I feel like that sometimes and I'm a Christian. I think deep down everyone knows something is wrong with their hearts. It is impossible for anyone to do something with absolutely no self interest. Even if our motives are 90% pure, that 10% that's doing the good thing just to feel better about ourselves just ruins it. It's like if you were making a massive cake and you had to use 100 eggs- 90 of the eggs were good and 10 of them were bad. The 10 bad eggs ruin all the bad eggs when they're combined. Everyone tries to hide the blackness of their hearts with cute haircuts, good manners, hip clothes, iPods, movies, food- just name your drug of choice. Our hearts are deceived and lulled into a false peace. But pain is God's merciful beckoning to His people to step out of their self-deception and run into His arms. It's crazy when huge disasters like Sept. 11th, or Hurricane Katrina hit believers and non- believers alike cry out to God. Pain is Mercy.

Think about it

“If the church does not recapture its prophetic zeal, it will become an irrelevant social club without moral or spiritual authority. If the church does not participate actively in the struggle for peace and for economic and racial justice, it will forfeit the loyalty of millions and cause men everywhere to say that it has atrophied its will. But if the church will free itself from the shackles of a deadened status quo, and recovering its great historic mission, will speak and act fearlessly and insistently in terms of justice and peace, it will enkindle the imagination of mankind and fire the souls of men, imbuing them with a glowing and ardent love for truth, justice, and peace. Men far and near will know the church as a great fellowship of love that provides light and bread for lonely travelers at midnight.”
- Martin Luther King, from The Strength to Love

The Year in Review

Alright! I survived my first year on campus, there were times when I really thought that I wasn't going to make it but God is so faithful. It sure has been interesting, rewarding, and super challenging . Here are some lessons I've learned:

1. I'm no spiritual expert- I've gotta be leaning on the Lord and asking for His wisdom continually or I end up falling on my face.

2. Love is the main thing. We love them and then point them to the Ultimate Love. The biggest thing I want my girls to leave college with is a love and passion for the Lord because if they have that, they will live lives that glorify Him.

3. Don't be intimidated when people seem like they don't want to have anything to do with you. Sometimes those are actually the ones who want to be loved the most. They just don't know it. Love them until they can't do anything but accept you.

4.Simply telling someone truth does not change their heart. Jesus does! You gotta bear with them, love them and live out the gospel in front of them.

5. Don't tell people how to think. When they ask questions, ask them questions and help them come to a conclusion. (I'm still not so good at this).

6. Every student has worth and value. It doesn't matter what their social status is or whether they are a freshman or a senior. If God has placed me in their life, they deserve my time and attention. Their eternal life is alot more valuable than building a "sucessful" ministry for my own glory.

7. Don't give up. Don't give up. Don't give up- even when it feels like you've screwed everything up! His mercies really are new every morning (so get outta bed Renee).

It's been a good year. I've managed to make more mistakes than I thought was humanly possible but hey I got nothing to lose, right! My eternity is secure so I can take risks and screw up and try again (if I screw up real bad they can just fire me). I'm supposed to be here at Montevallo for 3 more years, and honestly that seems like an eternity to me but Lord help me to take it one day at a time and trust that You have called me here for such a time as this.